Are YOU Living the Life YOU Want? (Despite What Happened)
“There is only one success—to be able to spend your life in your own way.”
I wasn’t living for me, and I wasn’t living the life I wanted-at all. Fear ruled my world until I learned to let go and trust the things that I felt but could not see. Living a happy life was more than a fantasy, it was real, but it came with a risk to find my own version of Eat, Pray, Love. So I leaned to Let Go, Risk and Trust.
I have spent my whole life overthinking the meaning of life. Many times in my life I have been buried underneath the heavy sludge of fear, procrastination and indecision. I have let fear keep me from following the secret whispers of my soul. I have let the idle chatter of the naysayers fill the empty spaces with all the reasons why “it will not be that easy or work out well”. I can no longer afford to lose my dreams to those who have no sight for the potential of the minds ability to create a new reality. In order to do this, I must break the cycle and change the repetitive life patterns of lack and limitation. I am now allowing myself to grow outside of the comfort of the status quo. I am growing. I am wanting more from life outside of what is known and comfortable.
The Root of My Fear
The root of my fear was fueled by trauma and accelerated by drinking. As a sober woman, I see how my fears can still be fueled by not wanting to react to life like I did in the past. Sometimes I can freeze in fear of making the same mistakes as I did when I was drinking. The underlying root of fear is, at times, strong enough to bring me to my knees. To move from fear to love, I must move beyond what I know. My only choice now is to surrender to what was in order to allow what is possible-NOW. I desire more adventure, more growth, more freedom and more peace in knowing that I am the creator of my own destinations in life. Yes, there are twists, but I must see them as opportunities not obstacles.
Looking back I see how my thinking, which was based on outdated life experiences, was steering my life. Everything was a reaction to a thought or a feeling disguised as FEAR! Fear of losing, fear of winning, fear of making mistakes, fear of not taking chances, fear of missing out on opportunities, fear of letting others down, fear of being weak, fear of “looking bad”, fear of people being angry at me, fear of being judged, fear of losing control, fear of losing my footing, fear of fear having more fear, fear of the now, and fear of the future. Fear was keeping me in a cycle of insanity that I hoped would turn out differently despite doing the same thing over and over and over again. Right now is the time to let go of what NO longer works so that the infinite realm of possibility can replace what I have outgrown.
Letting GO of FEAR
Letting go means showing up for myself in a way that is based on faith not fear. Taking a leap of faith seems far less daunting than staying the same. If I stay stuck, I stay committed to compromising my goals that will undoubtedly keep me from reaching my true potential.
I am ready to let go of all that is keeping me trapped in some fantasy of what is required of an adult. “Get the house, the kids, the husband, the dog, the cat, the minivan, the routine and life will take on a new meaning and a new purpose.” This is what I was told, this is what I did. I do not regret having that stability and a foundation in which to build upon, but now it’s time to shake the walls and let the skeletons of yesterday be laid to rest. No longer do I need outside validation to find my self-worth or my evolving identity. My soul does not bloom in stagnation. The lotus has been born in the mud and now it is time to see the brilliance of “what else it out there”. I am eager to see all the surprises life has to offer for a woman who throws fear its very own funeral and a celebration of life as I now have the courage to free fall into the unknown realm of unlimited potential. I am free to be. I am free to travel. I am free to create. I am free to grow. I am free to have no plan except to stay flexible, teachable and patient with the process of becoming.
“You are always a student, never a master. You have to keep moving forward.”