“There is only one success—to be able to spend your life in your own way.” I wasn’t living for me, and I wasn’t living the life I wanted at all. Fear ruled my world until I learned to let go and trust the things that I felt but could not see. Living a happy life was more than a fantasy, it was real, but it came with a risk to find my version of Eat, Pray, Love. So I learned to Let Go, Risk, and Trust. I have spent my whole life overthinking the meaning of life. Many times in my life, I have been buried underneath the heavy sludge of fear, procrastination, and indecision. I have let fear keep me from following the secret whispers of my soul. I have given the idle chatter of the naysayers fill the empty spaces with all the reasons why “it will not be that easy or work out well.” I can no longer afford to lose my dreams to those who have no sight for the potential of the mind’s ability to create a new reality. To do this, I must break the cycle and change the repetitive life patterns of lack and limitation. I am now allowing myself to grow outside of the comfort of the status quo. I am growing. I want more from life outside of what is known and comfortable.
The Root of My Fear
The root of my fear was fueled by trauma and accelerated by drinking. As a sober woman, I see how my fears can still be driven by not wanting to react to life as I did in the past. Sometimes I can freeze in fear of making the same mistakes as I did when I was drinking. The underlying root of concern is, at times, strong enough to bring me to my knees. To move from fear to love, I must move beyond what I know. My only choice now is to surrender to what was to allow what is possible-NOW. I desire more adventure, more growth, more freedom, and more peace in knowing that I am the creator of my destinations in life. Yes, there are twists, but I must see them as opportunities, not obstacles. Looking back, I see how my thinking was steering my life. Everything was a reaction to a thought or a feeling disguised as FEAR! Fear of losing, the anxiety of winning, fear of making mistakes, fear of not taking chances, fear of missing out on opportunities, fear of letting others down, fear of being weak, fear of “looking bad,” fear of people being angry at me, fear of being judged, fear of losing control, fear of losing my footing, fear of fear having more fear, fear of the now, and fear of the future. Fear was keeping me in a cycle of insanity that I hoped would turn out differently despite doing the same thing over and over and over again. Right now is the time to let go of what NO longer works so that the infinite realm of possibility can replace what I have outgrown.
Letting GO of FEAR
Letting go means showing up for myself in faith, not fear. If I stay stuck, I remain committed to compromising the goals that will undoubtedly keep me from reaching my true potential. I was ready to let go of everything that was keeping me trapped in some fantasy of what is required of an adult. “Get the house, the kids, the husband, the dog, the cat, the minivan, the routine, and life will take on a new meaning and a new purpose.” That is what I was told as a young woman, and that is what I did. I do not regret having that stability and a foundation in which to build upon, but now it’s time to shake the walls and let the skeletons of yesterday be laid to rest. No longer do I need outside validation to find my self-worth or my evolving identity. My soul does not bloom in stagnation. The lotus has been born in the mud, and now it is time to see the brilliance of “what else is out there.” I am eager to see all the surprises life has to offer for a woman who throws fear its very own funeral and a celebration of life as I now dare to free fall into the unknown realm of unlimited potential. I am free to be me, to travel, to create, and I am open to growing. I am free to have no plan except to stay flexible, teachable, and patient with the process of becoming.
“You are always a student, never a master. You have to keep moving forward.” ~Conrad Hall