The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins. ~Marianne Williamson
I genuinely believe that you and I can do anything we put our minds and souls into, but first, we must surrender to whatever may be keeping us from reaching our spiritual peace. For me, it was the idea that I was going to be perceived as weak if I surrendered to what was causing my mental and emotional anguish. I thought if I could just “power through it,” I would be okay. That somehow, my superpowers would kick in, and I would be able to save myself from misery. Well, the superpower only came in my moments of surrender. The force of rock bottom shook me to the core of my soul, which then allowed my truth to emerge from the cracks that were created from my breaking point.
Here are three experiences that came from my spiritual bankruptcy and, ultimately, my surrender. This was the catalyst for me to rise from the ashes of chaos, substance abuse, and trauma. I am choosing to share what has helped me in recovery in hopes that just one word, one thought, and one thing I have overcome can help teenagers, twenties, thirties, and beyond reclaim their lives from the depths of despair. The truth of who we are can be buried under the cloak of denial. It is time to shed light on the darkness and be free from addiction or whatever else is holding you back form your serenity.
3 Powerful Reasons Why I Surrendered
I Needed Honesty. Getting honest was the main reason why I could face my fears and ask for help. I had to be honest with the truth of what damage I caused to myself, my family, and my loved ones. I was punishing myself because I had this crazy idea that only the strong could rise and that I had to be tough to make it. Good grief. I was so very wrong. It was the surrender that gave me the ability to embrace and harness my real power. I had to let go of who and what, I thought I was to become who I was born to be. It was letting go that gave me the strength to hold on to my inner truth.
I Had to Embrace Acceptance. I had to accept where I was at the moment I hit rock bottom. I had to admit that I wanted everything to be different, but first, and foremost, I had to understand where I was at that exact moment and why I was where I was. I was where the sum of my choices took me. I had to be accountable for my decisions. That is when I had my first spiritual awakening. It was the realization that everything could be different, but I had to change. No one else could do it for me though my family wanted it for me. I wanted it for me too. I was tired of reacting to everything in my life because I was carrying all of my past life experiences with me. I had to let go of what was over and done so that I could create the life I wanted and the future I knew I could have. I had to do the work of letting go of what could not be changed and set my eyes on what I had to the courage to change right now.
I Needed to Connect With A Higher Power. When I hit rock bottom and surrendered, I let go of my anger at God. I hated God for what I experienced as a child, and even worse; I thought God hated me. But, in that moment of pure exhaustion and vulnerability, I found a source of strength that was greater than I was. It was a new connection with a pure being of light and love. I cannot fully explain it, but finding a new Higher Power allowed me to relax and let go of control because I was exhausted from trying to control every aspect of my life. I still had to show up and do the work, but it gave me the space to work on me rather than obsessing over every little detail of “why or why not.”
The most important thing here is that I did not do this alone! I had help every step of the way. I reached out to a 12 Step group for guidance on how to live sober. I had a highly experienced trauma therapist who walked me through the heaps of emotional baggage I was lugging around. I had spiritual friends that helped me process my fear of the unknown, and I had mentors that showed me how to embrace being a sober woman of dignity and a compassionate and present mother. The best part of all this is that my Higher Power gave me full access to my voice and unleashed my ability to embrace my life long dream of “being a writer.” This gift was buried deep in my heart, and it was up to me to find it. With all the anger, guilt and shame out of the way, I was able to find the thing that could turn my pain into my purpose and share my experience, strength and hope with the world.
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. ~Pablo Picasso