After A While......
                  Photo by  Chloe Si  on  Unsplash

                 Photo by Chloe Si on Unsplash

"Maturity is the capacity to endure uncertainty." ~John Huston Finley

Exactly six years ago a loving couple that I met, by random chance in early sobriety, could see the pain behind the veneer of my happiness. They softly spoke kind words and heartfelt prayers over my crackling voice as I told these complete strangers how my life was falling apart, yet falling in to place. We spoke of love, life, experience, and the complex and extraordinary process of becoming the people we were born to be. I told them I feel I would never "love" because I did not know how and I certainly did not have it for myself at that time in my life. I did, however, have it for my precious daughters and they replied, "The seeds are planted and, after a while, you will learn which ones to water and which ones will not make it past germination. "After a while, it will all get easier", they assured me. The gentleman then pulled out his phone as asked me to read this poem anytime that I needed strength to carry on. He then sent it to me via email and asked me to print it out and keep it somewhere important. I did just that. 

To the day exactly six years later, which was yesterday, I found the poem he asked me to print out. It was safely tucked away in my devotional material. It has been years since I read it so I sat down my with my coffee and read each line with intent and pause. When I did, I felt a wave of peace come over my heart. It is especially poignant during this phase of my recovery and my souls emotional growth. Here is the poem:

After A While

by Veronica A. Shoffstall.  

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you grow
with every goodbye, you learn…

The garden of my heart and soul will forever be grateful for that mysterious and extremely kind couple that took the time to plant the seeds of wordy love in my heart that day. Unbeknownst to me at the time, that moment would continue to grow and expand far beyond our chance encounter which I feel was a divine appointment in unconditional human love aka a GOD-incidence of profound value. 

HELP LINES & NUMBERS

HELP LINES & NUMBERS

Surrendering in Infinite Trust

Surrendering in Infinite Trust