RAW Emotions & REAL Recovery
"Remind yourself that you cannot fail at being yourself." ~Wayne Dyer
When I write about how good I feel people read it and move on, but when I write about how life has pulled at my emotions like a violent rip current and how the most intimate parts of me are wrecked and scattered on the shores of my recovery from trauma and addiction, people respond in a big way. In the "happy place" just a few notice. In the "darkness" many people react. I am baffled as I watch my insights soar when I share how I am really feeling under the surface. Then I say to myself, "I thought people want "happy stuff"? No, actually, they want Raw & Real albeit happy or sad. They want to know what is really happening under the surface. The stats don't lie!
The Stats Speak Truth
What this trend in analytics says to me is that souls are craving what is real in life. It seems the truth plays-Marco Polo by hiding the way we REALLY feel until honesty is called out behind closed eyes. It says, "Marco" we say, "Polo" until we are tagged and we are now it. We are then forced to look at how shame prevents us from airing our TRUE feelings because of how we will be perceived. Or, it could be that our internal dialogue is stuck on an unrealistic mental loop of how happy other people are and that our shitty-state-of-mind must be locked up and prevented from seeing the light of day so as NOT to be a burden on the happy people. Cut and paste happiness is not real or raw, it is just that, your everyday basic cut and paste happiness.
This also says to me that perhaps humans are resonating with those of us who have the courage to say, "I feel like shit today. I feel alone. I am frightened. I feel like a failure. I feel lost. I feel weak. I'm drowning in sorrow. I feel hopeless. I've done everything, but I am not as happy as everyone else. I need help!"
Sometimes, no matter how mentally prepared I am, negative self-talk rips through my consciousness with a force that blindsides me. I have done a tremendous amount of spirit work, trauma therapy, and 12-Step work, but sometimes, I have to be 100% honest because that is how I move forward. Pretending "I am fine" or that I don't still hurt is simply not true. I often rage at GOD for being so unfair to me as a child. I often feel like a total basket case and to not show this side of a healthy recovery would be completely dishonest, and a flat out lie.
If recovery was an instant cure all, one-stop-shop mega store then we would not be dying at our own hands and by the millions from substances that are abused in hopes of changing the way we feel. I used alcohol to escape, but I never escaped the problem.
Charting New Directions
For me, FEELING RAW AND REAL is the only way to the surface. Whether I like it or not, this is the truth for my sustained recovery. It has been said that, "We are only as sick as our secrets." By taking time to feel my way through my hurts and my passions, I have been able to analyze how I desire to move forward with my advocacy and my writing. This epiphany has now changed the way I see me, you, and recovery as a whole. I am going to add to my arsenal to reach those who crave a raw and real connection in the never-ending journey of long-term recovery.
Now the hard work begins as I move forward to learn new ways to use technology to reach more souls that are lost in the dark by being 100% transparent in the light of my own recovery. Sometimes, I just want to hear or see something that will shift my perception which allows my mind the safe space to conceive new ideas and find my way out of the temporary darkness that pulls me under the water of normal life. The light was meant to illuminate the darkness. Let there be light as I rise to the surface and learn soemthing new.
"Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise." Victor Hugo Les Misérables
Stay tuned.....change is bubbling it's way to the surface.