That Survival Thing I Have, It's Called GRIT

That Survival Thing I Have, It's Called GRIT

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Grit-courage and resolve; strength of character:

My life is a kaleidoscope of movements, experiences, and emotions. I once hated my life so deeply that it drew me into a depth of despair that very few have ever been low enough to understand how I have felt. I've also loved my life to the heights of floating on ethereal clouds of ecstasy while grounded in my own mortal flesh. Sometimes, I go in-between the two mental spaces as I wrestle with memory of what was and the reality of what is.

Grit enhances the steadfast endurance that propels me through the darkest nights that eventually deliver me to the comforting glow of morning's light. The time spent in isolation is where I can break, shatter, and emotionally or spiritually wither to become reborn each day. It is through sheer grit and will that I can re-align, rally against the darkness of my mind and continue to thrive the best way that I know how.

The choice to give up or continue on is mine and mine alone. After many of these moments, I choose to go deeper and higher. Every day I work towards my goals so that I am farther away from the inky darkness where most choose to merely exist. And, each day, I choose to become more at home right where I am, not out there, but in here, in my own soul and my own space. I then go out there and choose, over and over again, to operate in love, at a higher vibration so that I can help others in recovery. I choose to surrender to my mind and use it for good and not to subconsciously destroy myself. I continually turn my fears over to God in hopes that goodness will prevail, not only in my life, but in the lives of all who are still suffering. 

I touch my skin, hold myself, and make peace with every mistake I had ever made. I’ve examined the value and equity gained from my errors in judgement, even the mistakes I have made in sobriety. I also embrace the wild side that occasionally pushes buttons which can temporarily eject consciousness allowing ‘the Mad Hatter’ to be left in charge. I have met, in person, the mistakes that once held the key to my self-imposed prison. I become intimate with my mistakes and embrace the consequences of my actions so they don't linger in my head-space like the stench of a cheap, overpowering perfume. 

Grit allows me to weep for all that I have lost and celebrate all that I have gained. Grit allows me to be brave enough to feed my insatiable appetite to explore caverns of my mind where few dare to enter because the gate keepers and the trolls tell them it is not safe. A miracle can only be birthed when the illusion of rescue or comfort is destroyed by an event that is not explained by natural or scientific laws. I have to leap into the unknown future knowing I have a unlimited supply of grit and a net to catch me.

Grit says goodbye to thinking that says a gentle mind isn't possible for someone like me, the survivor of trauma. Grit says that indeed I am the miracle because I have not only survived, I have found my purpose through the process that proves I am the unexplained.

I am a soul in recovery whose only passion is to change the world with my GRIT! 

Grit-courage and resolve; strength of character:

 

I FEEL LOVE

I FEEL LOVE

A Trauma Day (My Memories)

A Trauma Day (My Memories)