Sex after Trauma (Adult)
"Very slowly, with hands, tongues, mouths we unwrapped and untied ourselves, laying open gifts. We gave birth to each other again as separate bodies who enjoy collision." Anais Nin
This is about my journey in knowing the true definition of love. This is for ALL women, like myself, that are vowing to triumph over adversities; the courageous women who desire to be free from the haunting experiences that separate our bodies from love, passion, and intimacy. Sexual pleasure is our right as we re-claim our bodies and open our hearts, no matter how broken or scarred they once were or still are.
I AM a Woman
I AM a sensual woman who is recovering from being sexually abused. I am learning to love my body as my body, not as an empty vessel that hosts fantasies of what it is like to be a woman connected to her sexuality. After several years of abstaining from intimacy so that my deepest wounds could heal, I have been re-birthed by an intimate connection to self-love.
Healing the Wounds
I was cocooned by a sorrowful heart and suffered an abysmal disconnection from my body due to sexual trauma. I hid from the passion that I was born to become one with. I hated my body and my vagina for years, but truth is, it did not betray me. My young body did what bodies do when stimulated. Regardless of how the act was committed, I was continually shamed by my arousal. This ignited a horrendous cycle of feeling dirty and shameful when I felt the desire for sex. I had no control over my sexual abuse, so it seemed unfair to continually punish the wrong person. When the shame became emotionally crippling I said, "NO MORE!" I then made a promise to myself to reverse the damage done to my sexual aura by my abuser.
I opened my mind to learning all that I could about the aftermath experiences of sexual trauma. I took interest in how my delicately constructed lovely parts worked in a normal, healthy state of arousal. I made it a daily practice to gaze into the mirror and love every detail of my body; a strong, beautiful body that is responsible for vital life experiences, including two healthy children. I enhanced the beauty of my womanly curves rather than shamefully hide them because someone else made a horrible choice to violate their sacredness when I was young. With every winch of disapproval, I lovingly forgive my body until it became as comfortable as breathing.
A New Definition of Sex
As the result of my openness and patience, a lover called upon my heart. A lover who gently savored the divine nature of my body with respect for the trauma that changed the way I would respond to a mans touch, forever. I honored his manliness and encouraged his willingness to lay bare to my desires. He tended to my wounds and sutured my broken heart. He listened intently to every word I uttered opening my soul to a passion, and a pleasure, that I had never known before. I was thrust into the beauty of sober intimacy without the stains of abuse invading my desires. He is strong enough, through his own vulnerability, to love a wildly sensual woman who dares to love unconditionally. I will forever dance in the glory of my womanly body. The core of my being and the nature of who I am will always caress my desires and un-apologetically be the Goddess that I AM!
There is no shame in being open, receptive, and honest about the longings of our most intimate selves. This awakening has taken me deeper into recovery and an ever evolving, comprehensive understanding in the art of loving myself and others.
I now an embarking on a journey to teach this valuable lesson to women who are disconnected from their Goddess selves. A woman who can intimately connect with herself is powerful, beautiful and unstoppable. This connection is our power, it is our birth right, it is our saving grace as thrivers of sexual trauma.