It's Okay to Feel Sad
"The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced with sadness." ~Carl Jung
Standing with both feet firmly planted into where I am today means feeling where I am today. There are days that I feel on top of the world, as if there is nothing that can stop me from living my dreams in color. Then there are days, like today, where shades of gray from my abusively toxic childhood cast shadows upon my sunny outlook. Emotional storms of sadness, grief and loss are part of the healing process. I would be lying to you and myself, and shaming every survivor of abuse and trauma, if I did not talk about the days that send waves of tears to my eyes. The days that my heart is heavy are usually the days that some form of breakthrough comes from my breakdown, but I must be present to receive the gifts of emotional sobriety.
What will I do? I will do what I have been taught by those who have weathered the storms of recovery; I will rest and give myself permission to feel sad. I will not let it take over my world and sabotage my progress, nor will I be ashamed to say that the doldrums have momentarily taken my “look on the bright side” mentality hostage. I will take action by choosing to do something different than I have in the past. I will intimately write about my feelings until my subconscious mind releases the toxic emotions that are responsible for the uncomfortable streams of thought that come from the emotional abyss of my human mind.
As I allow myself to dive deeper into the sadness, I notice an abundance of fear. Fear of not getting what I want triggers the tsunami of left over fears from a very dark time in my life. All it takes is one rouge thought and all my fears, fancied or real, rise up to be dealt with.
I will find the courage to move past these feelings, but first I will fully embrace what sent me over the emotional edge in the first place. If I am not honest with my emotional inventory, these feelings will reappear over and over again until they come out sideways. My true self intuitively knows what my needs are, and from my experience emotional pain is the touchstone to my spiritual growth. I will breathe, pause, and seek refuge with prayer and meditation as I gently shift my perceptions back to serenity. Like it has been said, the sun will come out tomorrow.