Don't Shush Us!
“The experiences of women give them a unique advantage. Women have a deep desire to be heard, and they recognize that need in others.” ~Alyse Nelson
There is nothing more irritating, hurtful, or annoying than being shushed while expressing our inner most thoughts. When our soul urges us to speak straight from our hearts, we need to be heard without being judged, scorned, or labeled as an emotional female. Once we have found the courage to speak our truth, it can be disheartening to be silenced by those who are emotionally incapable of hearing what we have to say. This is especially true for women who have been silenced repeatedly due to any type of abuse, violence or sexual trauma.
As the result of working with my peers, I have morsels of wisdom that are extremely beneficial when communicating with female trauma survivors. When women share, even if you may not understand what they are saying, open your mind to just listening instead of giving advice, rationalizing their emotions, planning what you will say next, or projecting fear based reactions about the topic, like what you would have done, or what they should have done. The act of genuinely listening to someone speaking about a painful experience could spark a deeply profound and positive change, including helping them develop trust, which is vital for seeking help. When women (of all ages) felt heard, it empowers them to continue to reach out during times of emotional crisis or duress.
The individuals who shush women erroneously mistake talk therapy as emotional instability. This could not be farther from the truth and it is my desire to say to all who shush women-please stop it! It is completely understandable that you may not want to hear what we are saying, but please-be respectful of our need to use our words to heal our souls. Close your eyes if you must, but don’t shush us!
On a side note:
In my experience, there are women who are mean, hurtful, vindictive, and just plain emotionally unstable. Some of these women will stop at nothing to destroy another human being, male or female, who they feel have wronged them, scorned them, or flat out said NO to them. This rejection may trigger an incredibly irrational reaction fueled by chronic negativity, repeated patterns of self-sabotage, and self-victimization. To these women, we pause and pray, as they are in fear of losing something they have, not getting what they want, or suffer from low self-esteem. Fear is the root cause of all anger, period! Maybe they were born to mean or to tender and maybe their dreams were crushed at a young age, or their parents were judgmental and stifling. Again, for them we pray and let go because we cannot change anyone and nobody will change unless they desire to change the sour behaviors that choke their happiness and allow their bitter hearts to embrace the path of spiritual growth.