"This is the way of peace: Overcome evil with good, falsehood with truth, hatred with love." ~Peace Pilgrim
The Story of Evil
From the very moment I needed you, mom, you turned your back on me. You subjected to me pain, incomprehensible pain, that sent ripples of fear into every crack and crevice of my small, innocent body, mind, and soul. Safety was never mine. Warmth was shrouded by cold, dark, evil deeds, and acts of unspeakable sexual trauma. All while you turned the other way for selfish reasons that I will never begin to comprehend. I am a victim of your absurd justification as to why denial was your choice.
Years of my life were taken. Years of my memories are still lost. Aftermath experiences cause me to shed many tears; tears of healing and tears of loss, grief, immeasurable sadness, and emotional damage. Every time I look at my daughters, I see how feeble and incapable you were of protecting me. You made me feel for years that I was broken, unlovable, and not worthy of saving. This caused severe emotional damage that I have had to work through and will continue to work through for a very long time; just like this, by sharing the pain, and the story, so that it can all be healed.
The Story of Good
It is because you gave me life that I am grateful for what I have endured. It is because you chose to bring me into this world that I pray for your soul to find peace. Nobody can wish it for me and not one person can tell me that I must forgive you, because I have chosen to do that on my own, and in my own way. I chose to do this so that I can heal and move beyond the trauma. I am diligently processing my pain and strive to live my life with the greatest amount of joy that I can. I have learned how to truly love myself, my daughters, my friends (male and female), my counselors, and the magical soul sisters that hold me up, breathe life into my dreams, and transform the motherly absence that still, at times, leaves gaping wounds where you are supposed to be.
I send you healing love and prayers because I was taught by my sponsors, mentors, and spiritual advisers, that all souls are doing they best they can with what they have been given. If you are lacking love, tenderness, and joy in your life, I will send all of those things to you by prayer so that, one day, you can transform your life and find peace for the mistakes you have made and the damage you have caused. I've been told that an eye for an eye leaves the world blind, and so does allowing your dark shadow to take the light I have found through learning how to find peace.
The way to peace is to overcome all of my fears, pain, suffering, and loss by transforming my anger into something bigger. It is because of you that I desire, more than life itself, to stay sober, spiritually connected to my tribe, and transform the world through identification, empathy, and speaking out (and up) for those who still suffer or don't have a voice, yet. I found the solution to my spiritual wounds and I will help guide those who are still broken because we share the same experiences. Only love casts out evil. I choose love above all else. I choose LOVE!
"Love is a gift of one's inner most soul to another so that both can be whole." ~Buddha